Babe Magnet
by Mahler Avatar
Summary: After Kim and Ron make up following an indiscretion of his, Ron learns exactly what Kim's been doing to get over him. Oneshot. Rated T for suggestive content.


_Ron has at times gotten himself in trouble with Kim over various members of the female persuasion, often (though not always) through no fault of his own. And this time is no different…_

_Standard disclaimer: The characters are Disney's, but the silliness is mine. _

* * *

Ron tried to concentrate on his Psych 101 homework, but found himself wonderfully distracted. He tossed aside the college textbook and breathed out a blissful sigh of happiness as he recalled the night before.

"Y'know Rufus, I thought it was all over with Kim last year when she found out about my, uh, _advanced training_ with Yori at Yamanouchi the summer after high school graduation."

Rufus responded with a plaintive moan.

"I tried to explain that it had just kinda sorta happened by accident, and that neither of us had intended that to happen, and it was only that one time…"

His voice began to fade away as his guilt and remorse once again kicked into overdrive.

"… But I knew for _sure_ it was all over when she started dating Josh Mankey again on the rebound, and then asked for my Kimmunicator back."

The frown on the face of his pet mole rat deepened.

"But then… then, last night…"

Ron's face broke out in his trademark goofy grin.

"Last night, it all changed back. _Bon diggety_ back."

Rufus did a cheerful little backflip and exclaimed, "_So happy for Ron!_"

Ron's grin widened at the memory as he clasped his hands behind his head, his eyes closing as he recalled the beautiful memory of the previous evening's passionate _rapprochement_.

"_Booyah_…"

At that moment, the door to his dorm room creaked open. Thinking it was Kim, he cheerfully announced, "C'mon in…"

Ron's eyes snapped back open as he beheld the unexpected guest. There before him stood Josh Mankey, a totally unreadable expression on his face. Ron's feeling of bliss quickly turned to one of impending doom, as his stomach did a little backflip of its own.

"J-Josh? What are you doing here?"

His former high school classmate slowly stepped into the room and softly closed the door behind him. He began to speak in a dead, emotionless tone.

"You… And Kim…"

It was a statement, not a question.

"She just told me everything."

He began his purposeful advance on the apparent interloper.

Ron clumsily stood up from his desk in terror as Josh continued his inexorable approach.

Frozen in fear, the college freshman quickly babbled, "Whoa, man! Now wait a minute! Kim jumped _me_, not verse-vice-ah!"

But Josh was unmoved by the Ronster's protestations.

Breaking out in a cold sweat, the now panicked Ron threw his hands into the air and ranted, "I didn't even encourage her! I swear I had no idea what she had planned!"

Josh continued his slow, deliberate stride, rounding the corner of the desk. Ron closed his eyes, expecting the sharp blow of Josh's fist at any moment.

Instead, Josh threw his arms around him in a huge bear hug. "Thanks man! Thanks so much!"

A now very surprised Ron mumbled back, "Uh, you're welcome?"

Eyes brimming with tears of relief, Josh choked back a sob as he continued, "I can't tell you what it means to finally be free of Kim Possible…"

Josh released the confused teen, a look of liberation brightening his now cheerful features.

Ron's mouth fell open in shock. "_Free _of Kim?"

"Yes! At long last…" was his breathless reply.

Ron cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, you look exactly like how Drakken and Shego appeared when they were released from Cell Block D last month…"

Wiping the tears from his face, Josh continued apologetically, "Sorry, Ron, it's just that… well, it's every college guy's dream to have a totally hot babe like Kim for a girlfriend, but _all_ night? And each and _every_ night for months on end? And with no end in sight?"

He let out a despondent sigh. "She's worn me out! I'm exhausted, sleep-deprived, and now I'm falling behind in all my classes! And _she's _only getting warmed up!"

Ron gave him a weak smile as he absentmindedly scratched the back of his neck. "Well, I guess she can be a little demanding at times. It's that super-duper Type-A personality of hers, I guess."

"Yeah, but how did you ever put up with it?"

He gave him a faraway look. "It's… it's a gift…"

"And then there's her, uh, _appetite_."

Ron nodded in understanding. "Yup, all those salads when she could have been eating chimaritos instead…"

Josh frowned. "Uh, Ron? That's not exactly the appetite I was talking about…"

Ron paled to a fine shade of white.

Josh continued without a breath as he began to pace the room. "It started out nicely enough, and I didn't even think too much of it when she first got those leather sheets. But soon it graduated to fluffy handcuffs, and then continued with costumes and weird roll-playing games!"

Ron balked, "Eww, dude! _Waaaay_ too much information!"

Josh finally stopped his ranting, giving Ron a benign look of gratitude. "But for the first time in who knows how many months, I slept all through the night without her jumping on me wanting to play 'Cuddle Buddy Surprise.' And the first night without the rest of the dorm pounding on the walls for us to keep it down."

A wistful look came over his face as he took a deep breath. "But through it all, you were still always on her mind, Ron. Even in the throes of passion she never could stop talking about you, your missions together, and how you've always had her back."

Ron began to blush. "Um, yeah, _heh-heh_, she might have mentioned something like that last night."

"So now I'm free, and she's back together with the guy she should have been with all along. And I think she's finally forgiven you for that whole Yori sitch."

Ron replied with a sly look. "Yeah, she did. Several times, in fact."

Josh offered Ron his hand, which Ron warmly shook. "Well then, good luck to you both. See ya around, Ron."

After he left, Ron looked down at Rufus. "Well, little guy, I guess Josh isn't as bad as I've made him out to be in the past."

The naked mole rat replied with a positive, "_Uh-huh! Uh-huh!_"

But someone new had just entered the room. Ron looked up to see Shego closing the door behind her.

"Sh-Shego? What in the world are _you _doing here?"

Clad in her classic green and black jumpsuit, the ex-villainess smiled slyly back at him.

"Hey, Ronster. I just got an absolutely _glowing _review from Kimmie."

Locking the door behind her with a satisfying click, she fixed him with a predatory stare. Next she began to leisurely walk up to him while slowly unzipping her catsuit.

Breaking out in a cold sweat, he gasped, "Uh, Shego?"

She continued to unhurriedly approach him, now revealing more pale green skin than Ron had ever hoped to see.

"N-now, now, Shego. Kim and I are getting back together, and I don't think she'd appreciate…"

By now she had Ron backed up against the bookcase, and let her catsuit fall completely to the floor.

As she grabbed the hapless blond teen, Rufus placed his head in his tiny paws and exclaimed, "_Oh, brother. Here we go again…_"

**_The End?_**


End file.
